It looks like that school superintendent who got caught dropping deuces on a high school track isn't the only guy terrorizing New Jersey with turds. For the past ten months, a 68-year-old grandfather has allegedly been dropping loads of his grandkid's dirty diapers across the state's roadways—and when cops finally caught up to him last weekend, he apparently admitted that he's been scattering the shit because, you know, it's pretty funny, USA Today reports.
Police arrested William Friedman, the alleged "Diaper Bandit," after spotting him ditching a bunch of diapers in a Franklin Township intersection last week. When they pressed him, cops say Friedman admitted that he'd been painting the town brown since the beginning of 2018.
"He would do it at least three times a week at different intersections," Franklin Township PD's Lt. Matthew DeCesari told USA Today. "He's claiming the diapers were his grandson's."
"There was no set pattern to [the drops]," DeCesari said in a separate interview with NJ.com. "He just passed it off like it was funny and a joke. It became a game."
All games or jokes or whatever aside, it turns out Friedman's diaper dumping wasn't exactly a victimless crime. According to the cops, a motorcyclist reportedly ran over one of the freshly-filled diapers last summer, skidded out, and crashed his bike—though, luckily, he wasn't seriously hurt. USA Today reports that Friedman is now facing over $1,000 in fines for his shitty litter escapades, and might have to reimburse the guy for his totaled bike.
Friedman may have copped to the diaper drops, but still, questions remain. Was this whole thing just his way of keeping dirty diapers from stinking up the house? If so, he could've saved himself a lot of trouble by just investing in a Diaper Genie. Or did the guy really dump his grandson's dookies around town for almost a year just because he thought it was funny? Sure, poop is inherently hilarious or whatever—just ask the guys from American Vandal—but littering is lame as hell. Couldn't he think of something better to do with all that poop, like turning it into art or shipping it off to Steve Mnuchin for Christmas?
Regardless, it sounds like Friedman's alleged reign of turd terror is over, and Franklin Township is poop-free once again—at least until some jogger starts dropping logs on local lawns like they apparently love to do.
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