You are making it easy for your older sister to dominate you, Mariella Frostrup tells a woman in her 20s that she no longer needs to play by the old rules
The dilemma My older sister and I are both in our mid-20s but have never been close. From a young age she would show her strength, picking fights and, as we got older, these became more verbal. We have not been in each other’s lives much over the past 10 years, but what was normal teenage behaviour has transformed into a negative adult relationship. She seems to have a genuine dislike for me that I don’t want to put down to jealousy. That is so petty and I’m not sure what she would be jealous of. She makes me feel incredibly insecure. When I see her I have terrible anxiety and the things she’s called me (lazy and tight with money) are unfounded and mean. I get highly emotional and she doesn’t seem to care, switching from anger to cracking a joke minutes later. I recently spoke to my mother about this and she said she could see that my sister acts unfairly towards me, but she doesn’t want to get involved. I should also say that our father is currently undergoing cancer treatment which has put even more strain on our relationship, but I am trying to hold it together for our parents’ sake.
Mariella replies As you should. I’m sorry to hear about your dad and hope he makes a swift recovery. Sibling rivalry is as old as humanity itself, so your dilemma, while compelling, isn’t surprising or easily solved. It is, however, timely as the festivities approach and, along with the joy of reunions and gift giving, comes the less heart-warming prospect of immersion in family dynamics that haven’t changed since childhood.
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